I read the following story from a birthmom on adoption.com. It touched my heart and I sought her permission to reprint it here.
It's coming up near the holidays and I wanted to say thank you to all of you. Thank you for being there when we needed you the most, and thank you for providing a loving and caring home for our children. Thank you for opening your arms up to a child not of your own blood, but to one who grew beneath your heart. Thank you for understanding the reasons why we were placing, and thank you for helping us make our childs' lives complete with a family of their own.
As a birthparent myself, I know what it's like to have to meet with you, and make my decision. I know the choices that I face, and I appreciate your willingness to sit back quietly while I battle the demons inside and question myself. So I thank you for your understanding if I wish to go to my doctors appointments alone, or if I don't want to share every single detail with you. Yet, thank you for understanding and being there when I need you and want you to attend those appointments with me. It's always the littlest things that count!
Thank you for understanding that I may need time alone with my child once he/she is born, and thank you for understanding if I don't want to spend anytime with my birthchild at all. Thank you for understanding if I want to feed, change, bathe, or cloth my birthchild before they leave the hospital with you, and thank you for understanding if I expect you to take over full responsibility the moment he is placed into your arms.
Thank you for understanding WHY I need to keep those little precious hospital mementos that they give you (such as the baby braclet, hat, blanket, footprints, etc) and thank you for understanding if it's too painful for me to keep them myself. Thank you for understanding if I choose to name the baby myself in the hospital, but want to know what name you have chosen as well... but thank you for understanding if I'd rather not name my birthchild or would rather not know the name plans you have for my little one.
Thank you for being understanding and kind enough to keep me updated over the years whether it be through phone calls, letters, videos, pictures and/or visits... and thank you for understanding if I choose not to because it's too painful. Thank you for understanding why I'm hurt if you don't follow through with the things you have promised, and thank you for understanding why I feel the need to get others involved if I don't feel comfortable asking myself for those things we agreed upon.
And most of all.. thank you for remembering that no two birthparents are the same... I am not going to be exactly like your first birthmom, and your next one won't be just like me. Thank you for understanding that just because one adoption fell through that I am not going to be another person who hurts you. Thank you for understanding the need to not be compared to your last, first, or failed adoption.
So as this Christmas season comes upon us... thank you to all the adoptive parents... Thank you the most however... for UNDERSTANDING.
you have any questions or would like to discuss your adoption matters,
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